Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his Quarter back.
Q: Why are football stadiums always cool?
A: Because they're full of fans.
Q: How many Vikings does it take to win a Superbowl?
A: No one knows, and we may never find out!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Bowled over by cricket
An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected to the Lord's cricket ground. "How's it going?" he asked. "Fine," came the answer,"We've got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."
In a calmer moment, Arun and his wife were sitting at home. Arun was as usual reading some bowling averages. "Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?" said she romantically. "You were bold." "No I wasn't," muttered Arun,"I was caught and bowled!"
Q: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of Pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. Why?
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener.
After the World cup, Saurav Ganguly has a head-on with Ricky Ponting. And Ponting says- "Humare paas Brett Lee hai, Glenn McGrath hai, aura ab toh World Cup bhi hai. Tumhare paas kya hai?" Ganguly replies "Humaare paas?? Humare paas...Ma hai. Sehwag ki Ma!!"
The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain. "You know," he said, "You've picked two men who should never be in the side." "Oh really," said the captain icily, "and who's the other one?"
In a village match, one of the batsmen received a fast ball which caught him in the mouth and broke several teeth. The next year, in the return match, he faced the same bowler. "I hope you're not after my teeth this year," he said. "No," grinned the bowler, "this time it's the stumps I'm after!"
The toothless victim was emerging from the anaesthetic. As he came to his senses, he saw the dentist packing up to go to the cricket ground for the afternoon. 'Not a bad morning's work, eh?' said the dentist, cheekily. "All out before lunch!"
Amit's wife rang the cricket club - "Sorry he's just gone in to bat, shall I get him to ring you back?" asked the barman. "No," she said "I'll hang on!"
In a calmer moment, Arun and his wife were sitting at home. Arun was as usual reading some bowling averages. "Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?" said she romantically. "You were bold." "No I wasn't," muttered Arun,"I was caught and bowled!"
Q: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of Pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. Why?
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener.
After the World cup, Saurav Ganguly has a head-on with Ricky Ponting. And Ponting says- "Humare paas Brett Lee hai, Glenn McGrath hai, aura ab toh World Cup bhi hai. Tumhare paas kya hai?" Ganguly replies "Humaare paas?? Humare paas...Ma hai. Sehwag ki Ma!!"
The wicket-keeper had a high opinion of himself and was very free with his advice to the captain. "You know," he said, "You've picked two men who should never be in the side." "Oh really," said the captain icily, "and who's the other one?"
In a village match, one of the batsmen received a fast ball which caught him in the mouth and broke several teeth. The next year, in the return match, he faced the same bowler. "I hope you're not after my teeth this year," he said. "No," grinned the bowler, "this time it's the stumps I'm after!"
The toothless victim was emerging from the anaesthetic. As he came to his senses, he saw the dentist packing up to go to the cricket ground for the afternoon. 'Not a bad morning's work, eh?' said the dentist, cheekily. "All out before lunch!"
Amit's wife rang the cricket club - "Sorry he's just gone in to bat, shall I get him to ring you back?" asked the barman. "No," she said "I'll hang on!"
10 things in golf that sound really, err, dirty...
So golf is supposedly a gentleman’s game, eh? Here we show you why the gentlemen really prefer golf!
The 10 things in golf that sound really, err, dirty... Enjoy!
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
The 10 things in golf that sound really, err, dirty... Enjoy!
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
Devils versus Angels cricket match
The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket.
"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.
"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.
"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.
"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.
The cricketer and the psychiatrist
The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.
Cricketer: 'It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?
Doctor: 'Get another job.'
Cricketer: 'I can't. I'm playing for England tomorrow!'
Cricketer: 'It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?
Doctor: 'Get another job.'
Cricketer: 'I can't. I'm playing for England tomorrow!'
Cricket explained
You have two sides one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs, THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME !
HOWZAT !!!!!
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs, THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME !
HOWZAT !!!!!
Way too much wrestling...
You watch way too much wrestling when.......
On your resume you write "I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be".
You call a beer by your name.
Instead of hugging relatives you give them bear hugs and mandible claws.
You begin to shake someone's hand in public, but then hesistate to look for the crowd's response.
You tell your significant other, "Not tonight, I'm watching RAW".
Every time you sit down a table you consider how easily it might break if you were to moonsault it.
You get in fights with people who say wrestling is fake.
On a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown".
After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back.
You clothesline people in the supermarket for no real reason.
You do heel turns on your best friends for no reason.
You don't understand why there are wars when a steel-cage/grudge match would settle everything.
Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper.
Instead of punishing your kids by grounding them, you threaten them with stunners, choke slams and tombstones.
When your king-size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it.
You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask.
Your boss fires you and you come back to work and challenge him to a no-holds barred steel-cage wrestling match.
On your resume you write "I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be".
You call a beer by your name.
Instead of hugging relatives you give them bear hugs and mandible claws.
You begin to shake someone's hand in public, but then hesistate to look for the crowd's response.
You tell your significant other, "Not tonight, I'm watching RAW".
Every time you sit down a table you consider how easily it might break if you were to moonsault it.
You get in fights with people who say wrestling is fake.
On a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown".
After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back.
You clothesline people in the supermarket for no real reason.
You do heel turns on your best friends for no reason.
You don't understand why there are wars when a steel-cage/grudge match would settle everything.
Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper.
Instead of punishing your kids by grounding them, you threaten them with stunners, choke slams and tombstones.
When your king-size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it.
You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask.
Your boss fires you and you come back to work and challenge him to a no-holds barred steel-cage wrestling match.
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